Does the Blame Game cause you Pain?

Once you realize just how common stress-induced pain is, you can begin to identify the patterns and triggers for your pain. I’m not talking about things such as eating chocolate causing migraine or back pain might be triggered by bending, lifting or even lying down. These are all physical patterns that you have become conditioned to over time.

No, I’m talking about emotional triggers or patterns. This could be that your pain becomes worse at the start of the week, or at a weekend. Maybe you’ve noticed that your pain increases when you spend time with a particular person, you’re upset or you’re in a quandary about something. All this creates inner turmoil that results in resistance, or tension, which manifests as pain or even symptoms such as anxiety, depression or fatigue.

This is all part of our normal, unconscious and automatic, stress-processing response via the brain and central nervous system which is a form of protection. It is often easier to deal with a physical pain than emotional turmoil because acknowledging this can show up our deepest vulnerabilities, which can be very scary to our ‘self’ and a perceived ‘threat’ to us.

Unfortunately we live in a blame society which means we often feel like a victim to what’s happening in our lives. Not only does this create tension, but we end up feeling disempowered, which has been shown to cause stress. In fact a recent study looking at the onset of low back pain in the workplace, showed that feeling disempowered was one of the main precursors for low back pain. NOTE: a psychosocial trigger, not physical!

My journey to Scotland a few days ago involved a long journey on a National Express coach which was delayed by 90 minutes. Basically we were delayed because the bus had to be repaired after the driver backed into a barrier before even leaving the bay!

We were actually well looked after and kept informed of what was happening. Then, just before we left, we were all given a feedback form to enable us to provide ‘feedback’ about the experience if we wanted to. Most people were relaxed about it all, but as always there were one or two people who began complain, saying that they ought to be getting compensation for the inconvenience we were experiencing.

Now luckily on this occasion I had a long wait anyway before my connection in Glasgow, but the bus company did make it clear that they would take it upon themselves to make sure everyone reached their destination even if they missed their connection.

This was a typical example though of a situation that can potentially cause significant stress, not just due to what had happened, but how each person dealt with it.

Whatever our reaction, the situation remained the same because it was completely out of our hands. As the saying goes ‘S*** happens’ and often there’s not a lot we can do about it. The amount of perceived stress was therefore dependent on whether each individual recognized this and made the choice to take responsibility for what happened next, or took the ‘blame’ route, which is so common these days.

For example:

Taking responsibility – These people recognized that accidents happen and there was nothing they could do about it. Where necessary they did what they could to sort out any resulting difficulties the delay had caused and then they let it go and did whatever they were going to do to occupy themselves during the 5 (now 6.5!) hour coach journey.

The Blame route – These people either silently ruminated or vocalized their frustration and anger over the situation they found themselves in. Their frustration and anger would have built up inside because there was no real outlet available, or maybe they didn’t want to make a show. At times like this they probably went over and over what they might say, or rather write, on the feedback form, winding themselves up even more. You can see how much inner turmoil they created themselves!

The trouble is very often we are so much a part of our thoughts and emotions and we can’t see that actually they are just thoughts and emotions and therefore we have a choice whether to just let them take over, or change them and move on.

Taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions (and therefore your emotions) at times like this is not about letting someone ‘get away with it’. It’s more about putting things into perspective so you can let it go. This is about prioritizing your own self-care by taking the healthy choice, which removes the ‘fuel’ for your pain.

I’m not minimizing the hassle this might have caused some people, but the fact is – there was absolutely nothing they could do about it anyway! In order to reduce self-induced stress – if you can’t change someone or a situation, you have to ‘change’ yourself.