How to Help Someone in a Health Crisis

Here are some suggestions as to what to do or say when people are in crisis and you wish to support them. Since my own health crisis recently I have formulated some thoughts which I hope will help others…. Instead of worrying about overwhelming someone with too many messages, do, do get in touch if you are a friend. If you stay silent, it leaves your friend wondering why you haven’t reached out. Even if you don’t know the person closely, you can still show your support by sending a card or thoughtful text message. Leave one-way loving greetings rather than lots of questions awaiting a conversation. Choose a special card or make a card and add your handwritten warm words. This is always a joy to receive. Receiving additional cards or brief text messages after the initial one is also a joy.

What not to say…

Unless invited to, please do not give unsolicited advice or share your own or others’ “crisis / health” stories – even if symptoms are the same. This can feel overwhelming and disturbing for people who are struggling. If you have information to share that may be helpful, ask your friend first if they wish to receive it and in what form. Sometimes a long document or book is too much for them to take in. You do not have to buy gifts. But if you wish to buy something, then a treat is a welcome joy. The suggestions below are very personal to me; each person’s preferences will differ:

Ideas for gifts:

• A special notebook and coloured pens or pencils for your friend to write their thoughts and any inspirational quotes or their own healing affirmations
• An A4 pad and pens for your friend to do some regular “therapeutic journalling” where they clear any anxiety or worries onto the paper and tear it up after. (This has been proven to be a very cathartic and stress-clearing process.)
• Special bubble bath or moisturiser
• A comforting eye mask
• An inspiring poetry book
• A dressing gown in their style and colour
• Some cosy socks
• A handpicked bunch of garden flowers
• A gorgeous blanket to snuggle on the sofa in
• A “basket of treats” – special nibbles, items from the deli or farmers market
• A drawing by a child
• A cake for the family
• A magazine

Most people will say “let us know what we can do to help”. However, this is very difficult for the person in crisis because they find it very hard to ask for specific things. So, for example, if you can offer something very specific – that can really help a lot.

Ideas for practical offers:

• I know a wonderful therapist who does phone or zoom calls – I can give you their number?
• May I treat you to an aromatherapy massage, Reiki, Shiatsu session? I know someone who can come to your home if that’s what you would like.
• Are there any flower, homeopathic remedies, supplements or aromatherapy oils that you would really like?
• Do you have a favourite chocolate or biscuits?
• Would you like company when your family go out? I can come round and hang out with you?
• Can I walk your dog once a week?
• Can I bring you a meal every couple of weeks? What do you really like to eat?
• Can I come and weed or water your garden / mow your lawn / clean your windows?
• Can I do your laundry / your ironing?
• Is there any shopping you need or prescriptions collecting?
• Do you need a cleaner – I have a great one who is available?
• How do you like to communicate updates? Would you like me to set up a WhatsApp group for all of your friends?
• Would you like me to create a “Telephone Tree”?
• Is there anyone you’d like me to call?
• How is it best for friends to contact you? Text / voicemail / WhatsApp / Email / WhatsApp Voice Note?
• Would you like me to add you to the local prayer groups?
• There is a beautiful open Garden and Art exhibition in a few weeks’ time, let me know if you have the energy to go and I would love to take you.

Listening To Their Story

Invite your friend to share their story with you if they would like to. Being a “compassionate witness” can be very therapeutic. Create a space where they are warm, safe and cosy with their favourite drink, and you are close to them. Maybe you are holding their hand or feet or knitting quietly beside them. Find a place of peace within yourself and slow your breathing. Just listen without offering advice. You don’t have to be a trained counsellor to offer this kind of invaluable support.

Finances

Experiencing a health crisis, especially if prolonged, can be costly in terms of loss of earnings, additional transport and related costs of attending medical appointments or buying in different foods or equipment. It can add another layer of stress and worry. If appropriate, offer to find out what welfare benefits may be available and signpost your friend to sources of expert help such as Macmillan. If they are experiencing financial hardship and it feels appropriate, consider organising a collection or GoFundMe type appeal.

The Future

Invite your friend to create a “wish list” of things they would love to do when they have more energy. This can be a great motivator in their healing.      

Article and prints by Rachel Stevens, August 2023